Part 1 of 2
One of the many things that is a massive pain in the arse about depression is that you analyse, over analyse and sub analyse everything. And ask why? Why me? What caused it?
Obviously many times nothing caused it. It’s one of those wank arse things that just happens.
But being who I am and having no medical knowledge or research to back me up, I think often there is a trigger.
For me, I am sure the trigger was trying to be too ‘good’ a mum, along with the fact I had no fucking clue what I was doing, what to expect and very little support.
Obviously, everyone wants to be a ‘good’ mum. But my definition has severely changed over the years.
I listened to all the advice, welcome or not, made sure every meal was cooked from scratch and healthy (which did not deter my kids throwing back in my face saying ‘yucky!’), went to every toddler group under the sun, tried to keep up with the cleaning, have no TV and generally do everything a ‘good’ mum should.
It is IMPOSSIBLE. Don’t do it. Don’t try to do it. And don’t be friends with anyone who can do it.
Some of you super mums can do it all and little Nathaniel and India probably eat organic, never hit other kids (or stab them in the eye with a fork like my little angel did today) and don’t even know who Mr tumble is. I could tell you Mr Tumble’s favourite food, all the members of his family and sing along to all the songs, as can my kids.
The stress of trying to do it all, get out the house on time, work around nap time / feed times / wipe my arse times is too much. I have severely slacked my standards at home with cleaning and cooking and I rarely go to toddler groups now. I am SO much more relaxed and actually so are my kids. They don’t enjoy rushing around being stressed any more than I do.
I am still an avid reader of child research and development. You wouldn’t practice medicine from 40 years ago so why would you not educate yourself into their messed up little minds? Much of the time you realise that all the ‘advice’ is aimed at helping mum (also vitally important but a different topic) and not truly looking at what a baby or child needs. The love and cuddles of their parents, the odd chicken nugget and a bit of Mr Tumble lead to a pretty happy child in my opinion.
It is so true when they say ‘it takes a village to raise a child’. It definitely does and if you don’t have one, then why expect yourself to do everything a village can?
Cut yourself some slack. Stick a pizza in and cuddle up with your snotty little love muffin in front of cbeebies. The laundry can wait. You’re doing great and so am I xx
Oh and P. S. Stop following those dick heads on instagram who seem to do it all, breastfeed, have beautiful well behaved children and a perfect house and body. She has 43 nannies, loads of surgery, a chef, a cleaner and a servant. Oh and her kid is a twat.
I am now going to cull my instagram…
P.P.S. Now to take care of mum, part 2…