I promised a part 2 to my previous post ‘Being a ‘Good’ Mum Gave Me Depression’, which I basically shouldn’t have promised as I didn’t really know what part 2 would be, but I’ve put some ramblings together and here it is…
My counsellor commented that what he liked about my blog is that it’s not written in hindsight once I’m looking back on my wonderful (ahem, crap ball bag full of poop) journey. I’m taking you along the rocky road with me and I hope in doing so I can relate to people on the fun old anxiety and depression road themselves (and anyone else is a massive bonus).
I’m sure I’m not alone when I say since having kids I’ve had a huge identity crisis. This might not be caused just by kids. Changing your job, moving towns, getting married, all sorts can cause an identity ciris. I did all of these in the space of a few years.
I need to ‘find myself’ again. I don’t want to just be a wife or a mummy (Not mammy thank you very much you northern lot). I want to be ME. But I don’t enjoy the things I used to do and those that I do enjoy I generally can’t be arsed. I’m too bloody tired. If I go out drinking I think most of the toss pots in the bars are toss pots. I once was happily one of said toss pots. I’m much happier getting squiffy with 3 bottles of wine at home with Bob now.
My finding myself mission has come to an abrupt halt since PND reared its ugly head again with a vengeance. My new philosophy is to not bother. About pretty much anything, but mainly in terms of consciously trying to fine me. I just want to get through the day without crying, without a headache and without wishing for a different life when I don’t even know what I would wish for.
You can’t pour from an empty cup as they say, so just be. Don’t try. Don’t compare. Just be.
Do things you and your kids both enjoy. This may be lounging around the house watching crap tv. Great, do it. Don’t attempt to do structured activities just because you’re at home. Crafts are shit. Do you know what the attention span of a toddler is? Minus 2.1 nanoseconds. Time to clear up failed craft activity? Forever. You will always find another sticker or blob of paint or glue somewhere. Enjoyment scale for all involved? None. And let’s be honest the crappy piece of art you created that is now on your wall is your own handiwork. They just wanted to paint their hands and fuck about.
My ramblings have a point. This point is, you can’t love and care for a child without loving and caring for yourself first.
Take time for yourself. Don’t do things you don’t want to. Eventually you will learn what you want and like but for now, just aim for a little bit of happiness each day and minimum stress.
I need to take my own advice…
As we all love an inspirational quote and I love a bit of plagiarism, here are some I thought fitting:
“When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life. ” – Jean Shinoda Bolen
“The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself. ” – Steve Maraboli
“It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your happiness a priority. It’s necessary. ” – Mandy Hale
“Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself.” Bianca Sparacino
Whilst making time for yourself, make time to do things with your partner, without your kids too. Get pissed, catch a movie, have sex, compliment each other and NOTICE each other. The effect it will have on both of you is huge.
Part 1 and 2 of this blog post should, in a roundabout way, work together to show my thoughts on trying to improve my stress levels and keep the kids happy. I basically instantly forget what I’ve written though so they might not work together and I am aware it’s essentially just my ramblings and no work of literary genius so don’t read into it too much… xx