The 10 Best Things About Having Kids

They aren’t all bad. There have to be some plusses don’t there?! Here are my top ten…

1 – Farting in public. Not the kids, yours!  If said fart is a bit stinky you can easily declare loudly ‘Oh dear someone needs a nappy change’. If it’s a loud one, just say ‘Excuse you sweetheart’. Note: this only works up to a certain age. Too old and your little darling will be the one loudly declaring ‘Mummy! You pumped!’

2 – Alcohol. It becomes socially acceptable, nay, necessary to be a bit of a soak.

3 – Early tea time. I’m always starving by 5pm so more than happy to have my main meal then! Plus it means no wasting the precious evening time faffing about with dinner.

4 – Chocolate buttons and general crap food. I can’t lie, I think I love them as much as the kids. When they don’t finish them it’s a bigger bonus as you don’t have to stealth steal them like a chocolate ninja.

5 – Going out for coffee. This not only is another necessity to maintain sanity and gain some adult interaction, but it becomes a legitimate wholesome activity to take the kids on and invariably involves cake.

6 – Mum tum. Now, lots of women complain about the stubborn little mum tum that won’t shift no matter how many sit ups you do or kale smoothies you eat. I see it as a blessing. Why bother doing sit ups and eating kale when it won’t shift?! Bring on the movies and chocolate.

7 – Alcohol again. It needs mentioned twice. Chin chin!

8 – Shopping. The little buggers always need something. But also they are like little style icons and until they are old enough to have an opinion you can dress them however you want! Like a living  doll. Really pissing annoying when they do have an opinion and choose cack clothes though.

9 – Evenings. That glorious time when the kids are in bed suddenly seems so amazing. You can sit on your arse and do nothing because you are knackered and have spent all day exercising (having coffee) and being productive (watching cbeebies).

10 – Christmas. They might ruin the Christmas tree and be obsessed with presents (even though you are desperately trying to get them into the spirit of giving and understand that others are less fortunate) and they might constantly want to see Santa but be terrified when you take them and not eat any of the glorious feast you have lovingly slaved over. But my goodness the little stinkers do add a bit of festive magic to the season that just isn’t there without them xx

What are your kiddy highlights? Tell me what you think is the best part of having a 24 hour monster to keep alive xx


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