10 More Things They Don’t Tell You Before Having Kids

1 – With a first child you want them to walk, talk and progress as quickly as possible, secretly competing with all your mummy friends. With a second child you want them to progress as slowly as possible, keep them in their cot as late as possible.

2 – You will put things in your mouth you would never have dreamed of. Found something on the floor? Chocolate or poop? Let’s see…

3 – 4.30am exists and is a reasonable time to get up.

4 – Having a wee by yourself with the door closed is not just unusual but a luxury.

5 – If someone makes you a cup of tea and entertains your kids so you can actually drink it while it’s hot they become a best friend for life. If they bring you biscuits to have with it you want to marry them.

6 – Not all kids sleep when they are tired. For some, being tired is the worst thing possible for achieving sleep.

7 – You will never wear clean clothes again and eventually not bother putting them on.

8 – When you are ill everything still needs done. You just have to get on with it while dying inside and questioning your life choices.

9 – Your acceptable levels of mess / hygiene dramatically reduce.

10 – You have no idea what is going on in the world with constant cbeebies and no radio because you have to listen to Mr Tumble party time in the car.

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