These are just a few of the reasons for stopping at two kids. I dread to think of the care quality for a third!!
First child – Wow that labour was intense, please all mop my brow, make me tea and rub my feet for at least a week.
Second child – OK, I’ll make dinner.
With one child – Shall we go out for coffee? What if she’s unsettled? It’s OK, we outnumber her I’m sure we can cope or take it in turns to drink a hot drink.
With two kids – Fuck. They equal us in strength, cunning and speed. You follow that one, I’ll follow this one. See you tomorrow.
First child – They sat up age X. They rolled age Y. They spoke 14 words at the age of Z. They are soooo advanced.
Second child – Um… She walked a bit after she was one. She can’t speak. She’s happy.
First child – OMG she bumped her head. We better stay home for the rest of the day. I’ll phone the doctor just to check what they say.
Second child – Has she stopped crying? She’s fine.
First child – She will only eat organic vegetables, never eat sugar or added salt and not watch TV unless it’s a special occasion.
Second child – Here, eat this bag of buttons and packet of crisps in front of Mr Tumble and leave me alone for 5 minutes.
First child – I’m keeping her first pair of shoes, special jumper, special toy, that top I loved, that dress she wore to that thing, those tights which were so cute, those lovely pyjamas and anything else I can’t bare to part with.
Second child – Just give it to charity. And add in all that stuff I was thinking of keeping for some reason.
First child – No she can’t have that, or do that, or say that. She needs to learn and understand even if she gets upset, it’s to teach her boundaries. She can’t run rings around us.
Second child – Is it going to cause harm to her or others? No? Then yes. Always yes.
First child over the age of 12 months – I think we should get a babysitter and go on a date night. She’s old enough and will be OK. And we deserve it. And I miss you.
Second child age 5 weeks – Date night? Let’s run away.
First baby – She feeds at X o’clock, goes that long between feeds and sleeps for that long at night. I’m planning on doing sleep training age Y and weaning her starting then and working towards this age Z.
Second baby – She controls me. I have no idea when she feeds and no plans or targets.
First child – Be gentle with my child she’s only little. She’s very sensitive. I’ll follow her just to make sure she’s OK and doesn’t wobble. Careful careful.
Second child – #1 did you just pull a chunk of her hair out?! #2 don’t punch! Well where has she learnt that from do you think?! Oh Jesus just fight it out yourselves I’ll be in the kitchen.
First child – I just can’t bare to part with her. I’m not even thinking of nursery or a childminder yet she’s far too young and I want this precious time together to bond.
Second child – Do you have a minimum age to accept children?
The list goes on…
Should I say something mushy about loving them equally and them being the light and joy of my life? Yeh yeh all that.