When I Was Younger…

– When I was younger and I was sick I laid on the sofa all day and someone brought me food, painkillers and beverages.

Now, I’m lucky if it’s even acknowledged. I still have to get up and look after others. I would never hit a sick person but my kids on the other hand…

– When I was younger and I had no money I would just stay home, go to a friends house or eat plain pasta and wait for pay / pocket money day. Then swiftly spend it all again.

Now, I have to be responsible. I need to budget, spend carefully and responsibly… Boooooring.

– When I was younger and I got in trouble I would get grounded / a TV ban / allowance stopped.

Now, the most bad ass thing I do is eat a grape in the supermarket.

– When I was younger and I ate too much cake nothing happened. I still wore the same clothes, did the same exercise and felt the same.

Now I only need to look at too much cake to not be able to do up my trousers and feel like an asthmatic on a cold day.

– When I was younger and I stood up quickly I got out the room faster.

Now, it means a pause to recover and essentially a slower exit.

– When I was younger and I did a forward roll I literally thought NOTHING of it.

Now, it turns out it was quite a big deal! Now I get super dizzy, hurt my head / neck / back and try and not look in pain so as not to frighten the kids!

– When I was younger and I went out drinking I’d be fine the next day. I’d sleep in until the hangover was passed, eat some junk and be ready to get on with my life.

Now, I have to get up at 6am, I am a write off for about 3 days, I question my deepest life choices and feelings and contemplate joining a cult just so I never have to drink again. Until I pour another glass of wine…

– When I was younger and I wanted to try a new hobby I did.

Now, it needs scheduled in, budgeted and energy to be arsed to do in the first place.

– When I was younger and I wanted a meal I bought / cooked / ate it.

Now, I have to plan meals a week in advance, plan when I can cook it in a window of sleeping or not whiney kids, or go out for a meal and stand up 43 times chasing kids, prevent breakages or spillages and attempt to eat my own food when it’s still hot.

– When I was younger and I wanted a cup of tea I made one, sat down and drank it.

Now, I start to make one, boil the kettle 3 times, pour it on the tea bag, forget, throw it out, repeat about 4 times, eventually make one, then fail to drink it while it’s still hot.

– When I was younger and didn’t wear a bra I had a slightly more revealing top or didn’t need to worry about exposed bra straps.

Now, my tits droop down and wobble about so much it actually causes pain! There is no way I would go out in public without one. I would actually rather go out without trousers on.

– When I was younger and I wanted to leave the house I stood up (quickly) and walked out.

Now, it takes 43 minutes, 7 tantrums, 9 changes of clothes, 2 bags packed, 3 arguments, 5 hunts for shoes and 97 tears.

– When I was younger if someone screamed at me or pooed on me I would have either punched them or called the police.

Now, it happens daily and I take it like a bitch.

– When I was younger I actually asked for more responsibilities.

Now, I would pay to give some of them up!

– When I was younger and I wanted to write a blog post I would sit down and write it.

Now, I need to do it in bits in between screams, phone grabs and naps. This one has taken a particularly long time to complete!

I’m not generally a pessimist (honestly) but when I was younger I wanted to be older. Tell all youngsters it only gets worse so stop being so grumpy and suck it up. 🙂
Happy Thursday! Xx

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