I am beginning to notice a real pattern with women I am becoming friends with and difficulties they are facing.
Too often I am meeting women (or men, I don’t discriminate, just happen to have more female friends) who are hugely struggling with their young children simply through a lack of emotional and practical support.
Why are we expected to do everything and be OK?! It REALLY angers me. We are expected to take on the role of mother, feeder, childcare, housekeeper, chef, cleaner and entertainer. Easily.
Our society does not seem to understand the requirements for raising children. There seems to be an expectation that you just do it, shouldn’t complain about it and should enjoy it.
The difficulties especially arise if rightly so you don’t want to use childcare and want to raise your children yourself. It is not possible to do this without assistance (and I mean practical not childcare) from others or the detrimental effect of the main carer’s mental health, enjoyment and / or relationships.
Everyone else needs to man the fuck up. Whether it is hubbie – I’m so sorry you’ve had a busy day at the office but I’ve sat down for 4.5 seconds, eaten half a piece of toast, tried to bite my tongue 74 times and been punched kicked and bitten. And I shall continue this throughout the night so you can be rested for work tomorrow. And no, you definitely cannot have a shag. Or a friend – no, I’m not OK and just because I don’t want to or can’t go out drinking doesn’t mean I don’t want a chat, or company or someone to brush my fucking hair for me. Or parents – it’s so wonderful you have finally ‘found yourself’ after suffering your horrendous children for years but actually now is when I need both practical and emotional support. Or anyone else who knows or speaks to a mother of small beings.
I’ve said it before and I will say it again, it takes a bloody village to raise a child and if someone doesn’t have a village, be that village for them, or bring them into yours. Care for others and the world will be a nicer bloody place.
I’ve had a shitter of a day (not caused by my kids for once) and have ended the day both feeling horribly horribly sad for others, anger at some and extreme love for others. I feel so fortunate with my gorgeous family and immensely wonderful friends as I go to bed and can’t sleep, but so sad at our society and lack of support for each other, even those closest to us.
I know this is a slightly vague post and writing blogs is an extremely vain thing to do – expecting others to be interested in your opinion alone, but I won’t tell stories that aren’t mine to tell (or I don’t have permission to) so forgive the vagueness.
Just hold your loved ones tight and if you see anyone else having a shit time, tidy their house, cook them a meal or entertain their kids. Be the village.