The blob. The red river. The painters are in. Being on. And God forbid – when the river is red take the dirt track instead…

Periods are not talked about. They aren’t a big deal. You just get on with it. They are gross, no one wants to know about them.

Except 50% (ish) of the population have one about 25% (ish) of the time.

And they are a big deal. And they aren’t gross.

For a start – if we didn’t have periods we would have no babies. We would have (even more) mental hormones. And I have no idea what else would go wrong, but lots I imagine. They are entirely normal, yet covered up, not spoken about and made to make us feel gross.

They are a big deal. Some people have one that makes them feel so ill every single time, and in crippling pain, yet because they are ‘normal’ we shouldn’t complain or make it a big deal. Don’t even dare to take time off work.

For the % of the population who will never / have not yet had one, let me tell you what they feel like… They can be soooooo sore. You know that feeling when you need a wazz so badly your bladder hurts every time you move? Like that. Aaaaaall day. And no matter what the adverts say, you notice it. If they are crazy heavy you literally feel like you are pissing yourself. If you use tampons, adverts lie, you can feel it. You feel like you have something shoved up your fadge. Because you do.

And the hormones. Oh the hormones… I have been especially susceptible to these hormones since having PND. Just when I feel like I have it under control, bam. It’s that time again and I am a crazy lady!

After babies, certain contraception or illnesses can make them all change again later in life when you thought you were used to them. With the risk of over sharing, since having kids mine have gone crazy heavy. They last well over a week, make me crazy and hurt like hell. But I shouldn’t complain right?

We shouldn’t be ashamed. We shouldn’t be made to feel dirty or like we need to ‘get on with it’. Sometimes they are fine yes, but sometimes they aren’t and it’s a big bloody (ha ha) deal.

Imagine being a hormonal, self conscious young teenager and suddenly having horrible cramps, horrible hormones and horrible other teenagers taking the piss to deal with?! Not nice. And god forbid an ‘accident’ in bed or at school or at a friend house when you get a surprise visitor, or a leak you haven’t encountered yet and have no idea what to do. You will forever be known as ‘that girl’ at school.

Here’s how I suggest we go on:
– Tell everyone about your periods and how they affect (or effect?) you
– Teach all young girls what to expect, the good, the bad and the leaky, to help prepare them
– Teach girls and women to help each other and understand when accidents happen and not take the piss
– Give women who have a bad one some slack, at work, home or anywhere

They are normal, annoying, and fucking frequent. Let’s try and make them more normal and less annoying.

Be proud of your blob.

PS. Men – it is not a valid excuse to take the dirt track instead. Unless we suggest it first.


Edit: much as I joke and am light hearted, in some countries and cultures periods are much more serious. See for details on a brilliant organisation trying to change this xx


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