I want to be a relaxed mummy, with no routine and just taking each day as it come.
I want to want to spend every waking hour with my kids, sharing every special moment they have and being the constant in their lives.
I want to ‘hold’ their tantrums, and help them deal with these emotions that they don’t understand.
I want to be kind to them when they won’t go to sleep and to not get stressed, but help them to understand how to love their sleep.
I want to do crafts and make hummus from scratch.
But I can’t, and I don’t bloody want to. And FINALLY I am OK with that.
It is very dangerous to set unrealistic standards for parents. It just succeeds in making parents feel like they are failing.
Yes, I understand why children have tantrums and what I ‘should’ do to help them. But unfortunately I am the sort of parent who is less likely to ‘hold’ their tantrums, and more likely to throw one myself.
At the end of the day when my child will not go to fucking bed, I’m less likely to ‘support’ her, and more likely to shut her door and have a glass of wine.
Im not perfect. And for a long time I felt guilty for this. But now I am ok that I could be better. Sometimes I am great and super patient. Most days I’m not. But my kids still love me and I love them. We muddle along together. We watch too much TV and don’t eat enough vegetables. But for the sake of my and their sanity, it is OK. And we are happy.
So next time you are sharing with someone how they should deal with their children’s moods or what they should feed them, take a minute to think about the practicalities of your suggestion. If they have been with the kids all day before they kick off at night, maybe suggest the wine, before they do it anyway and feel guilty.
We are all doing great jobs in our own way. And we are all good enough.