It’s been an odd few weeks. My balance feels all wonky and I am finding myself continually wishing I was happy to just be.
I don’t mean with spending time with kids etc (although this is also tricky I will get to that), I mean why can’t I be happy to send my kids to a normal school? Why can’t I just send them to nursery 3 or 4 days a week – it would solve a lot of problems (no time to myself, not enough time at work etc) . Why can’t I just use the chemicals everyone else does and chill the fuck out?! I don’t have the answer and continually feel that I am just an anal person incapable of just fitting in.
Ever since we got back from holiday (10 days ago!) my eldest particularly has been really over tired. She is like a split personality child depending on her amount of sleep. Currently she is rude, says no whenever I ask her anything, is emotional, aggressive and stressed. Much like me! When she is well slept she is soooooo nice.
In other news, we decided to get a puppy because I am a glutton for punishment… To be fair he is really cute and we all love him lots. I just really want some sleep… I am aware that I am super tired which hugely effects my emotions (much like my child)!
Bob and I have decided to increase the amount of childcare we use. Currently the girls go to a fantastic childminder 2 days a week while I am in the office. Not only do I need another day when I don’t have them or have to work (I am well aware most people don’t have this luxury but I am not strong enough to continue like this) but I need longer days when I am in the office to keep up with the work load.
I also had a realisation recently that Bob and I have never prioritised ourselves over the children. We have made the effort to do things alone (I’ve just booked a 4 day yoga retreat in September! #yogawankers), but ever since our eldest was born we have rarely had time together as a couple other than for special occasions. This is going to change. I love Bob and we need to get some of ourselves back into the mix. We are more than just a mummy and daddy.
So, things are stressful at the moment, I’m struggling at home and Bob is under a lot of pressure at work (coping really well I might add), but although I wish I could accept more as is, we have at least accepted we need more help. And time to find ourselves again.
It’s exciting and I’m looking forward to how things change in the coming months.
Remember, you are more than a mummy or daddy.