So, I feel like I’ve had a years worth of emotions in one day today. But that’s the reality of parenting little rage inducing, loving, stressful, wonderful monsters.
I woke up in a grump, for a change, because yet again we were four in a bed overnight, so no one had slept well and my back, neck and shoulder were killing. The girls were whiney, as was I. But I thought, come on mummy you can do it… And I took the girls and dog for an ass-crack o clock walk with apples and carrots for the ponies down the road. It was right nice. It was 35 minutes the Waltons would be proud of.
But then… We needed to rush to get out the door on time. I didn’t allow ten minutes for the small one to attempt to do her own car seat straps up, and I didn’t put the big ones toys in the car in the right place. I forgot their wellies which the childminder specifically asked for and whilst both children were screaming I thought why the fuck did I attempt a wholesome morning activity?
Then the big one sang rock a bye baby in the car to the small one to settle her and my ice heart thawed a tiny bit.
Then they were at the childminders all day and that was nice… I did some exercise, did some work, bought some food for tea, felt good.
Then I picked them up with my usual treat / bribery in the car to be met with ‘Eugh that’s gross’. Ffs.
We had a fairly stress free tea time until both kids decided to leave the table and run around the house. It stayed stress free as Bob and I decided we didn’t give a fuck.
Then came getting them into bed. Normally it leaves me feeling like a tightly coiled spring of rage, maintaining an outward appearance of calm but inside wanting to break things, lots of things. But Bob did it tonight Woo hoo! So I read my book and laughed at his terrible accents whilst reading bedtime stories on the baby monitor.
Then the small one screamed a lot (we are trying to be stricter at bedtime to get some amount of sleep ourselves and for them) and the stress crept back in…
Then they went to sleep and I got a message from my friend who recently lost her baby. Heart broke for her all over again. I am bloody lucky to have the family I have, even if they drive me insane.
Then I went to bed and poked my head in on the girls. Us trying to encourage them to stay in their own beds means… They sleep in each other’s bed cuddled up together.
Heart has officially melted completely.
Until the morning when the cereal is the wrong colour or something…