Morning darling. Its still dark do you want to go back to sleep?
I’m hungry! I want a drink!
I’m just sorting the dog and laundry I’ll be there in a minute.
I spilt my drink on the couch!!
The dog ate my cereal!!!
I’m just hanging up the laundry I’ll be there in a minute.
Come on we need to go get your shoes on please.
Not those shoes!! Hate those shoes!!
Choose some others then I don’t care.
Not those ones they are your sisters and 7 sizes too big.
Not them they are slippers.
She’s wearing my shoes!!!
Right get in the car please. No don’t run away. Car please. Get in the car!!!!
Stop crying please we will be 5 minutes.
I’m not sure the houses want Trolls blasted that loud at this time.
Bye see you later I’m off to try and do more work than is feasible possible in the small window of time I have and do a food shop and walk the dog and take the cat to the vet and post birthday presents and eat something not good for me.
Back home later that day…
I’m hungry! She’s poking me! She’s annoying me! She’s biting me!
Hold on I’m just doing some laundry.
I’m hungry!! I want a drink!! Now!!
I’m making tea please don’t eat anything yet. Don’t drink all that you will fill your tummy up with water.
Eat your tea please.
I’m not hungry.
Eat your tea or you can go straight to bed.
Eat your tea!!! I spent ages making that!!(slight exaggeration)
Fine. Just get down. I’ll eat it.
Why am I putting on so much weight?!
I need a poo!!! Where’s daddy?! Why does your tummy wobble like that?!
Have a poo. You are quite capable of taking yourself to the toilet.
Did you flush and wash your hands?
Come on then.
OK time for bed. Let’s find your pyjamas.
She smells! I need a poo! I’m huuuuuungry!!!
(Silently crying). Just get into bed. Choose a book. One book.
2 books or no books.
Meltdowns. Book warfare.
OK now its time to sleep please settle down.
I’m not tiiiiired!!!!
Please just go to sleep I need to do laundry.
She’s annoying me!! I’m hungry!! I want a drink!!!
And repeat again tomorrow and for the rest of your life….
Go to the hairdresser and she says ‘don’t you sometimes want to just get a fake tan, put on some makeup, wash and straighten your hair? Just to feel and look good?’
Thanks for telling me I look like shit. Please fuck off.